Many of the negative effects of circumcision are sexual, but these problems are not often recognized as being due to circumcision and are often blamed on the female partner. Foreskin restoration can repair a lot of this damage (though it will not have all the same structures as the original foreskin.) Read how circumcision affected this family.
Guest Post by Amy McDonough
Amy’s husband Jeff Sanger blogs at http://shouldicircumcise.blogspot.com/.
I have been with my husband, Jeff Sanger for 16 years. We met when we were young; we were freshmen in college. I remember our first date like it was yesterday. I called my best friend and told her that while I was never the girl that had my wedding planned out from a young age, that I had met the man that I would marry. And we were married. We bought a house and decided to have children. I remember my first pregnancy so clearly. With your first pregnancy you have all this time to reflect and daydream and imagine what life will be like with a baby. (With the second and third pregnancies I barely had time to pee.) Our first child was a wonderful baby girl but I remember having the circumcision conversation with Jeff before we knew her sex. A friend of mine had sent me her birth plan so that I could use it as a model to write my own. On her birth plan it said: We do not want our son circumcised; he will be circumcised at the pediatrician’s office. I then asked my husband, “What if we have a son, how do you feel about circumcision?” I remember my husband’s reaction so clearly because it was somewhat visceral. He said, “I could never do that to anyone, let alone my own son.” I just agreed and didn’t think about it too much after that.
Then came the birth of our second child, a beautiful, perfect little boy, Sullivan. I never knew that having a son would be such a healing experience for my husband. Prior to his birth we didn’t talk very often about circumcision but after he came into this world intact it stirred a lot of emotions in Jeff. I remember the time so clearly and when I look back at pictures I can feel the sadness; it was sad only because my husband’s healing journey had just begun. He went through a lot of depression and he felt so disconnected at times that it broke my heart. He’s had a beard since I can remember and sometimes it gets a little long when we’re busy but eventually he has me trim it. His beard grew so long during this time and once I asked him if I could trim it back for him and he made some kind of comment about not wanting anyone to go near him with razors or scissors. I respected his need for space and time to think but it was hard for me, especially with a new baby who needed so much and our daughter who was a toddler.
Jeff, like most babies in the U.S., was circumcised shortly after he was born, in 1977. We later learned that his type of circumcision is what doctors refer to as a “tight circumcision.” He was left with literally no foreskin. During his months of depression I gently brought up the idea of restoring his foreskin. He was open to the idea. I think he knew he needed to start the healing process and move forward. I ordered him a Tugger from TLC Tugger and when we got it in the mail he completely lost it. It was a bad night and he completely broke down. He didn’t want to put it on and he was having a hard time figuring out how. I tried to help him but he didn’t want me to touch him. I realized more than ever in that moment what an effect circumcision had on him.
Jeff has been restoring now for almost five years. He has come a long way and I am proud of the man that he is. He talks to everyone about circumcision, even pregnant women on the bus. One of the reasons we are both so passionate about this is because of how it affected our sex life. Sex is supposed to be one of the most powerful ways we express ourselves and that was taken from Jeff when he was circumcised. It was taken without his consent and it created a lot of damage, damage that has been repaired over time, but he will never experience sex the way nature intended.
I can remember crying after sex many times and for many years. We literally could not have sex without oral sex first or without using lubrication. Sometimes I would lay in bed with an ice pack between my legs. It never occurred to me that this was from his circumcision; I thought it was my problem. I thought it was a bad combination of a large penis and a smaller vagina. I thought maybe I was too sensitive. Once he started restoring, even after just a couple weeks sex was 1,000 times better. He no longer had to thrust so hard to get feeling. Now after he’s been restoring for almost five years sex is amazing. Jeff wears his Tugger all day at work and even the skin on his glans has changed, it’s more supple and it’s softer just from it being covered all day every day. He now has a lot of pre-cum, something he never had before. That natural lubrication means we no longer need any artificial lubrication. I haven’t had a lot of sexual partners but I have a sneaking suspicion that we are not the only couple to go through this, given the sheer number of lubricants on the market. Not only did sex get better because the feeling is more intense for him, but because we have gone on this healing journey together we can talk about anything. Communication is stronger, we are stronger as a couple and, ummm… well, can I say again that the sex is amazing!
Fantastic post! It’s good to see a couple share so openly and honestly – I hope it will inspire others to restore. My wife asks me to limit the level of detail (which I respect), but I can tell you that my restoration journey was very similar, though not identical. We have noticed significant improvement due to restoration. I actively restored for 15 months, mainly using the T-tape method. I then switched to daytime O-ring and nighttime silicone cone – this combination has worked well for the past ten years. To anyone considering foreskin restoration, try it! It takes a fair amount of patience, but the benefits are well worth the investment.
so glad to hear a success story! My restoration is coming along nicely…it’s been about 2 years or so…and the results are seriuosly amazing
Glad that you have made a comeback in your life!
This is beautiful, thank you for sharing.
it seems like every single person who restores has had amazing results. I am so envious and I lust after the same. I am anxious to get started, asap. thanks for sharing all of this, even if it opens up grief in my soul
I wish my husband would look into this! I refused to allow our boys to be circumcised but my husband thinks foreskin is gross. It hurts me that he is okay with a piece of his body being removed. He also tells me no woman will want to have sex with our sons because of there forskin.
thank you for shareing your story it truly encourages me that I made the right decision for my sons!
I feel so bad with women who are with men who won’t restore. I think these men are being immature, because why wouldn’t they want to deal with emotions and improve things. That’s where the fun starts. I am totally angry, and I am totally in grief, all the time. I go in grief cycles. I always will from now on I think, but in between them I can feel great joy. It’s funny how quick it can switch up. My point is that it’s better to grieve and feel something than just deny. It’s also better to restore and feel something (and give your woman something) than not. But it’s also important the way a woman approaches her man. I know about the male mind. I recommend an approach to a man like Esther in the bible (read the story). No not literally outwardly but the same approach spirit-wise. Please try this. Please study this. Please.
5 years really? It takes that long? I’ve only just started. Again I’m back in a grief cycle. I’m depressed and angry again. These cycles are the curse or my parents, especially my mother. When I get skin to finally cover my glans while flaccid or erect, I’ll still not experience the true feelings. But what I mainly want is full sexual bonding. I don’t kwo how I can get that without full natural sex, but anyway I will get deeper bonding and that’s ok I guess, when it finally comes. At least I’m not wasting any time with it
Such a moving story, thank you so much for sharing.
I’ve known about Foreskin Restoration for a while and have tried a few different times (and a bunch of different methods) but didn’t stay with it. After five years with my intact husband I decided to try again. I’ve been at it for a year now and we both are very happy with the results. It’s good to hear success stories. Congratulations Jeff, on your restoration and all the happiness it has brought to your life.
I am so thankful you are open to this discussion. My hubby is still working to get out of denial and face this issue. The more we talk about it and share experiences, the more healing and helping can take place.
If I were the wife, I’m not sure if I would have gone so far as to purchase for him a restoration device at the stage that she did- for various reasons I think that step in the process is better left for the man to arrive at on his own. But then again, who knows since it worked out for the best for them!
This made me feel really happy for you two and really sad for me. I’m pregnant for the third time and have an ice pack between my legs after every time with my cut husband. Even if he’s gentle and makes it as quick as he can, it’s too much friction for me
I didn’t know any other women had it as bad as I do.
Please join the Men of Facebook who stand against circumcision: http://tinyurl.com/9ur8udg
See “The Circumcision of Benjamin” http://tinyurl.com/bmh2p2m
This is such a moving story. Thank you very much for sharing! Feeling his body constantly rubbing your clitoris (FINALLY!!) must be the best part of it for you, Ma’am. I’m so happy he’s not hurting you anymore & he’s getting to experience intercourse so much more closely than he ever did before & loving it!
*…closer to the way nature intended/the way y’all were created to make love…
I was working on restoring my foreskin too. but I have recently discovered that there is a non-profit organization called Foregen working on the possibility of stem cell foreskin regeneration for men who were circumcised but don’t want to be! If you want to be able to regain all the nerves and structures lost to circumcision using your own stem cells please support http://www.foregen.org